Hate My Family?

Mar 28, 2022

Imagine you are in the crowds following Jesus 2,000 years ago.

You are enamored with this man. You’ve watched Him raise a girl from the dead, heal a sick woman, and drive out demons. Oh, and the way He teaches. You could listen to Him all day. There is an other-worldly authority about Him, and He is not afraid to speak out against the status quo. You can see yourself following this man, even worship Him, for the rest of your life. Then, one day, He says this...

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters – yes, even their own life – such a person cannot be my disciple.”

- Jesus, Luke 14:25-26

What? Did I hear Him correctly? There is no way He said that. Yet, He did.

I don’t know about you, but I grew up in a very loving family; so the thought of hating them, or worse, hating my wife, does not sit well with me. So, why would Jesus tell me I need to hate them in order to follow Him. I mean, obviously He said these things, so He must mean them, right?

Then, just to make matters more confusing, an unknown author once said, “If you hate your family, you hate God. For family is a gift from Him.”

So, which Is it? Are we to hate our family to be a follower of Jesus, or are we to love our family to show our love for Jesus? What a conundrum. Two seemingly opposite statements, both of which carry profound weight. So, which is it? What are we to do… love our family, or hate our family?

The answer is BOTH. And before you freak out, let me explain.

Jesus often uses hyperbole in His teaching to make a point. We see it when He talks about “plucking our eye out if it causes us to sin.” He also said to “cut off our hand if it causes us to stumble.” He does not want us to literally do those things; but figuratively, it is exactly what He calls us to do. He is making the point that if our eye causes us to sin, we need to do whatever it takes to stop that behavior. And, if our hand causes us to stumble, we need to take whatever action steps are necessary to change our ways.

The same applies to our family - or in fact, ANYTHING that gets in the way of our full devotion to Jesus. He is to be FIRST in our lives, about all else and before anyone else. Our passion for Jesus is to be so strong and so committed that our affection for our families, or anything else, should, by comparison, be considered hatred.

Our God is a jealous god. It is the first commandment of the Ten Commandments.

You shall have no other gods before me.

– Exodus 20:3

It is easy, in our world, to put other gods on the throne of our lives, to make them our priority, sometime even in subtle ways:

- When we value an extra 15 minutes of sleep versus getting up to spend time with Him.

- When we put work and making an extra dollar ahead of being in a group where we can learn more about Him and how to apply His teachings to our lives.

- When we would rather stay home and watch a game on television than be in church.

- When we put family activities (kid’s sports and family gatherings) ahead of spending time in worship.

Anytime we put anything, or anyone, ahead of our relationship with Jesus, we have violated the first commandment. It is that simple. And Jesus makes it very clear that He does not accept that. If we don’t figuratively HATE all these other things, then we cannot be His disciple.

But, let me be perfectly clear. Jesus is not telling us to literally hate our families. Loving our family is an extension of our love for Jesus. They are God’s gift to us. However, the order is critically important.