How’s Your Heart?

This past weekend, Pastor Jared shared a sweet tradition he has with his sons: every night he asks them, “Is your heart okay?”

What a tender way to push past the niceties of daily life. So often we connect to others in surface-level conversation, completely masking or ignoring the real struggles we are going through.

This warmed my heart and made me think of my college roommate and forever best friend. We had a similar tradition to the Herd family. Our friendship was one that immediately pushed past the pleasantries of life. We experienced true vulnerability together for the first time in our lives. As young 19 year olds with rapidly increasing self-awareness, we would sit for hours and talk about hurts and hopes and dreams and crushes and the gospel. It was so beautiful. Through that friendship I learned what it meant to trust, really trust. To open up the ugly parts, and for someone to smile and say, “You’re beautiful. Jesus still chooses you. I still choose you.”

This dear friend and I had a tradition when we were texting in the library or chatting as we walked to our classes. One would ask , “How are you?” and the other would reply with the typical answer, “I’m good.” Which was always met with, “No… how are you… REALLY!” And then, with a knowing look, “How’s your heart?”

We began to ask that question regularly. “How’s your heart?” meant, “skip past the fluffy stuff, tell me what’s really going on, I want to be here for you.” Sometimes it meant, “I can tell you’re hiding from me, and I want you to be honest.” Sometimes it meant, “I know your heart is so broken, and we’re not going to gloss over it.” Those three words became a beacon of light - a tradition in the practice of vulnerability and honesty.

And the more I learned to answer those questions, the more I was seen, the more I could let Jesus see me. And I began to learn that walls don’t really protect us, they actually hold out all the beauty that is found in true connection.

Who in your life is asking you that all too important question: “How’s your heart?” Friends, vulnerability and godly accountability with strong people in your life is essential to sustaining a strong relationship with Christ. Jesus puts people in our lives who will ask us those questions and also hold us to our answers. People who will push us to be better. And - it’s uncomfortable! Sometimes I dodged that question desperately. But it is so beautiful. Messy and beautiful.

I frequently go to the book of Job when teaching to students. I am enamored by Job’s faithfulness in the midst of suffering. He goes through incredible trial and testing and comes out the other side holding onto God. He has an interaction with his friends who aren't perfect, but try to be there for him during his time of grief.

11 When Job’s three friends … heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.

12 When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads.

13 Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.

Job 2:11-13

They saw Job weep, so they wept. They saw his torn clothes, so they tore theirs. And then they sat. They didn’t ask a million questions or give “tweet-worthy” advice. They didn’t try to play therapist. They just sat.

Presence is powerful. And having people who are present when we’re struggling and when we’re rejoicing is one of the most beautiful gifts from God.

Who in your life is sitting with you? Who cries with you? Who rejoices with you? And, who asks you that all too important question, “How’s your heart?” and then holds you accountable to change, even when it’s uncomfortable?

Lean into those people. Reach out and find more. Join a table group. Start serving. Meet people who can examine your heart with you.

And, BE that kind of friend to others. How might God use you to examine the hearts of others, if you made room for Him? If we made time to actually sit and be present with people, how might our relationships change?

May you sit with someone this week, grab their hand, and share in this question together: “How’s your heart?”

Cristina Schmitter

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