No Offense

“Live lightly; love limitlessly.”

For years this has been a phrase that’s stuck with me. I’m not exactly sure where it came from, but it’s a phrase that has reminded me over and over again to choose gentleness over offense, grace over bitterness, and love over selfishness, even when it may not make sense.

These are all reminders I know I need on a daily basis because, more often than we may want to admit, choosing gentleness, grace, and love can feel like the most difficult thing in the world.

I think a lot of that may be attributed to the fact that we live in a culture where people are practically waiting for something to be said that can be taken as a personal attack on who they are or how they think. We all do it. Oftentimes, it’s not even intentional but more of a knee-jerk reaction to a situation that makes us feel insecure or uncomfortable.

We’ve all been there, right? So-and-So made a comment about how ridiculous something is, and it just so happens that the thing they are talking about is tied to what you do for a living. It wouldn’t be an uncommon response for you to gasp internally and think to yourself, “How could they say that?” Or, how about when someone goes on a long tangent about how horrible of a hair color choice pink is, and then as they look up to realize that you have pink hair, they quickly attempt to backtrack with a “No offense!” At that point, it can sometimes feel like it’s impossible not to be offended by a comment like that.

The thing is, no matter how big or small the potentially offendable statement might be, our reaction in a conversation like this is extremely telling of the state of our hearts.

If you find yourself frustratedly spitting out responses to someone making a statement that you don’t agree with or understand, that’s likely a sign that you’re living your life with an offendable and resentful heart. And while because of our brokenness, this is the default state of human nature, it’s not a way that anyone truly desires to live. I know that I want to be proud of the way that I carry myself in my interactions with other people. And that comes when we choose to build and base our lives upon the firm foundation of Jesus Christ.

Enter: The Unoffended Heart

Choosing not to be offended by disagreement or misunderstanding is choosing Jesus in our situations instead of our human self. It’s choosing to love people well over defending ourselves or our opinions. It means seeking out the truth of a situation for the sake of love and unity rather than spewing out our own thoughts for the sake of being heard or being right. And I’m sure most of us know the feeling of wanting to sort out a situation in order for us to look good, rather than seeking out clarity for the purpose of creating space for peace and truth in the relationships that surround us.

In summary, choosing not to be offended means choosing the life of freedom and light that God has for us, rather than a life of carrying offense and frustration around with us everywhere we go.

The truth is, there’s a weight that comes from taking, not to mention holding onto, offense that we’ve taken away from interactions with other people. It’s heavy, it’s burdensome, it’s not the way that we’ve been called to live… and even more, it’s walking right around the gifts of grace and freedom that Jesus’ sacrifice made so readily available for us.

In The Message translation of John 10:10, Jesus says,

“A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy.
I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.”
- John 10:10 (MSG)

The enemy, a thief, is constantly waiting for opportunities to steal your joy, kill your peace, and hold you captive to a life that leads to destruction. But our perfect and heavenly Father sent His son to earth in order to pay the cost for the sins of the world. And because of that, we can have a life that is abundant, better than we have ever dreamed of.

When we allow ourselves to be offended by the words and actions of others that we have no control over, we are leaving ourselves vulnerable to the thief who wants nothing but division and destruction for our lives.

An offended heart is built on insecurity.

An offended heart is only looking out for its own interests.

An offended heart causes confusion.

An offended heart causes division.

An offended heart is coated in pride.

But the good news is that we have a Good Shepherd who came to give us a life eternally free from the power of offense and the pain that comes with it. God not only desires for us to live life unoffended, but He has set the example of what it looks like to carry grace, peace, and clarity into the interactions we have with those around us.

When we base our lives on the example of Jesus, we are building up an unoffended heart within ourselves. And from that, we begin to look like Jesus in so many other ways as well.

An unoffended heart is an unoffending heart.
When we choose not to take offense, we become aware of the weight of our words and begin to speak with less offense.

An unoffended heart is what happens when we’ve taken the time to tune our hearts to the heart of God.
When we sit and walk through life with Jesus, we become more like Him. The more time we spend talking with God, we are taking a step closer to living more fully in the image of God.

An unoffended heart produces actions of intention and respect.
When we are no longer living in offense, it becomes easier to treat others the way we’d like to be treated.

An unoffended heart humbly puts others before itself.
When we aren’t concerned with being the most heard or right in a conversation, we step out of the way to make space for the needs of others.

An unoffended heart forgives.
When we live with an unoffended heart, love prospers. As Proverbs 17: 9 says,

“Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.”
- Proverbs 17:9

An unoffended heart asks clarifying questions for the sake of understanding the words and actions of another.
When we don’t take offense to miscommunication, our goal is no longer frustrated self-seeking, but rather we begin to understand and grow in our relationships with each other.

An unoffended heart believes the best.
When we live free from being offended, we begin to see others how God sees them.

Ultimately, we live more freely, fully, and fruitfully when we check our pride at the door and take on the gracious heart of God.

Take the time to sit with God and ask Him to show you the areas of your life you’ve been held captive by offense. Offer up the entirety of who you are, and be ready and willing to let go of the grudges you’ve held tightly to.

Seek out His heart, and day after day, allow Him to tie your heart to His, knowing that the less you turn to take offense, the more you step into the life that God has called you toward.

Sammy Denton

‍