Owning Up When We’ve Messed Up

Jun 8, 2023

How do you respond when you’ve messed up?

I was on a call with a friend recently after I had messed up. The crisis wasn’t crazy, but I had to own up to my actions. As I prepared to have this conversation, I got curious about what was happening inside my heart. I noticed the responses that rose up quickly: defensiveness (It wasn’t that big of a deal!), justification (If they knew my story they would give me more grace!), and frustration (This person is always upset about something.).

And then, the responses that rose up more slowly, after the instinctual response had passed: fear (What if they don’t forgive me?), shame (I can’t believe I’ve messed up again!), and regret (If I could just go back in time and handle this differently!). It seemed pretty obvious to me that the immediate responses were just a front for those more slower emotions that arose. The frustration was really just covering the fear that I had messed up so much that the relationship would change as a result.

I think our response in the face of our sin tells us a lot about where we are in our journey with Christ.

That isn’t an invitation to judge yourself, instead it’s an invitation to get curious about where you have more space to be molded into the likeness of Christ.

As we continued reading about the story of David with our youth here at the church, inevitably the most juicy part of his story became a talking point. David, a man after God’s own heart, committed adultery and murder! And often we paint the image of David and Bathsheba as some steamy, “Rom-Com” like affair. But knowing the context of that day and age, and the power that David held as King, it seems unwise to say that Bathsheba had any say in whether she complied or not, putting David into an even worse light!

And sure, that part of the story captures our attention. It’s a reminder that God’s Word isn’t just boring genealogies; it’s full of relatable examples that mankind has struggled with for all generations. But the most interesting part of that story to me isn’t the lust or the pregnancy or the murder. It’s David’s response to the prophet Nathan, after God sends him to rebuke King David.

Nathan corrects David with a powerful metaphor to show him how hypocritical he has been. I read this story and expect an explanation, a defense, frustration, fear, or shame from David. I expect him to respond in any of the ways that I would respond if I was looking at the Almighty God having done some of the most unthinkable things.

But David doesn’t do that. He simply says:

Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”

- 2 Samuel 12:13

One sentence. Six words. No long defense, no desperate justification.

David was a man after God’s own heart, not because he was perfect. David was a man after God’s own heart because when he sinned, he trusted, loved, and honored God enough to take radical ownership of his actions.

He didn’t know that God wouldn’t smite him right there on the spot. But he knew the heart of his Heavenly Father, he trusted His sovereignty, and knew his role as His servant. His only response could be owning up to what he had done and seeking to surrender himself back into God’s arms.

I don’t know about you but that’s not often how my conversations with God go. Rather than judging ourselves and deciding that we’re not men and women after God’s own heart, let’s get curious about our impulses. When we justify, is that maybe an indicator that we aren’t trusting God to redeem? When we fear, is that maybe an opportunity to lean deeper into the love of God? And when we let shame tell the story of our sin, is that a reminder to be covered in the saving grace of Jesus again every single day?

David wasn’t perfect; in fact, I would guess that in terms of the world’s morality he was a lot more messed up than most of us. But he knew that when he messed up, the only way back was radical ownership and surrender into the arms of his Savior.

Stop arguing. Stop justifying. Stop shaming yourself. Own up to it. Tell God what happened, and then surrender yourself back into His arms. He already forgave you, His love never wavered. Let Him tell the story of your sin, because His story ends with eternal victory.