Pass The Buck

"For we are each responsible for our own conduct."

- St. Paul, Galatians 6:5

"I've learned… that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become."

- Anonymous

Have you noticed… and let's be honest… we're always passing the buck over our shoulder? Like our very first parents did when God approached Adam in the Garden of Eden and said,

"Hast thou eaten of the fruit of the tree whereof I told thee thou shouldst not eat?"

And Adam said, "This woman thou gavest me" (so first Adam blames God himself) - "she tempted me and I did eat." (Then he blames his wife, Eve)

Then God looked at Eve and said, "Hast thou eaten of the fruit of the tree whereof I told thee thou shouldst not eat?"

And she said, "The serpent beguiled me and I did eat!" (so Eve blames the serpent).

And so God, out of the corner of His eye, looked at the serpent. The serpent said nothing… since he obviously did not have a leg to stand on. (Smile)

Since the very beginning of time, we have all spent so much time and energy trying to defend ourselves by placing blame on those around us for our mistakes and failures that it has not only kept us stuck in mediocrity for way too long, but it has also left us precious little time for enjoying the gift of life we've been given. Over the years, I have done more than my share of pastoral counseling and, quite honestly, I was never that good at it. That's the reason I would tell people right up front, "Look, I'm not a professional counselor, but I will tell you what I think… for free!" So, for those who did not walk out at that point, they heard counsel from me that sounded like…

"Well, you just need to grow up and stop your whining!"...or...

"You just need to stop making excuses and do something to change the situation you're in!"...or...

"Now that's really stupid… That only makes a bad situation worse!"...or...

"When will you stop blaming everyone and everything for the problems you yourself created?"

Needless to say, my counseling load eventually dried up.

The truth is, we all have areas of our life that need to change in order for us to be more loving… to be more patient… to be kinder… gentler… more forgiving… more truthful… more generous… more like Jesus.

We all need to grow! However, the one thing that absolutely stymies growth time and time again is the unwillingness to face our failures by placing blame on others.

"They made me do that"... "She makes me impatient because she drives so slow" ..."He made me blow up when he came home late "..."My dad's stubbornness caused me to lose it..."I wouldn't have said that if she didn't push my buttons"...and on and on and on.

Listen, more often than not, the problem that needs fixing is not outside of us but inside of us.

That's not to say there are not hugely contributing factors around us that drive us nuts. But, until we address the character faults inside of us first, we cannot respond to the chaos around us in a healthy way that promotes peace and creates unity and love.

Why do we choose to pass the buck and blame others instead of owning our failures? Because it's painful! But let's be real… there's going to be pain either way -- it's gonna hurt when we blame our parents for issues like the guilt and shame we struggle with. And it's gonna hurt when we stand up and acknowledge that that guilt is mine and I own it… ‘cause I did it! So, my point is… if it's gonna be painful either way… why not choose the good pain that leads to growth and change, instead of the bad pain that leaves me stuck and miserable?

Good pain is pain that leads somewhere! For instance, I hate exercise… but I do it. I hate lifting weights and running and swimming, but I do it. I have a neighbor that absolutely loves exercise… but if you ask me… he's a weirdo! (smile). I hate exercise because it's painful… in fact, right now my muscles are so sore I can hardly sit because I pushed myself on squats yesterday… my glutes are barkin’! So why do I subject myself to the pain that comes from exercise? Because it leads somewhere good...i t leads to a healthier heart… to a stronger body… to an emotionally happier mind… to a longer life. And because I have five grandkids all under the age of six, I exercise so I can do life with them as long as I can!

Jesus both modeled and taught us what good pain looks like:

During the days of Jesus' life on earth, He offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the One who could save Him from death, and he was heard because of His reverent submission. Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from what He suffered and, once made perfect, He became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey Him.

- Hebrews 5:7-9

Jesus showed us how to do suffering right… to make our suffering produce something good in us.

So… if you're sick and tired of your pain being "good for nothing"... because you're still "passing the buck"...why not start a new form of exercise… the kind that will lead to something good in your life. Choose good pain by…

1. Taking responsibility for my weaknesses… Own It!

2. Not reacting to the things people say and do… but responding with an awareness of the part I played in the problem

3. Learning to grieve about my faults

4. Learning to forgive myself and others

5. Learning to celebrate the good my God can bring out of my bad

6. Experiencing the confidence of what God's Spirit can do through my honesty!

AMEN

Pastor Harry

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