We Never Know

As I write these words, I, along with many other friends and family, are in shock.

How could a young dad, former local Pastor, now working for Compassion International, go to bed and not wake up? Jay’s life purpose was to lead others into a transformational relationship with Jesus. God, why?

I’m wrestling with this after our son called me while we’re vacationing in Paso Robles. Sitting staring out over a vineyard, green budding vines with the promise of a bountiful harvest are beginning to appear. I think of Jesus’ first miracle when He turned the water into wine. As John, chapter 2 tells us, it wasn’t just any wine, it was the best vintage ever!

Jesus taught using many illustrations around vineyards and wine. In John 15:5, He says,

“I am the vine, you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”

- Jesus, John 15:5

If we don’t remain close to the vine, Jesus, we can’t bear fruit.

But of course, sanctification (being set apart) requires pruning according to John 15:2. What does pruning look like? The daily challenges and the bigger life crises that make us draw close to the vine. I love the analogy throughout John 15 of Jesus being the vine, you and I being the branches where the fruit grows, and God, the Father, being the gardener.

Have you found yourself in situations in your past or currently where you are asking God, “Why?”

You lost your job and there isn’t anything promising to apply for. Your child was just diagnosed with a rare disease. Your teenager is pulling away and isolating more and more. While doing a scan on a cyst, your doctor discovered a mass on another organ. Your spouse is done, your house is being foreclosed, you “fell” in your addiction and are once again starting on day one of sobriety… the list goes on. So excruciatingly difficult, these are the times we realize we can’t do it alone. As we are pruned, we draw close to Jesus, deepen our understanding of Him and a little more of how deeply He loves and cares for us. It is in the times of pruning we begin to bear richer fruit because we are closely connected to the vine. So “why not” go through life’s challenges?

Tonight we’ll get home, unpack and settle in. I have this tugging thought, to grab a glass of Cabernet, go out back, sit at the fire pit, and look over at Jay’s chair. I’ll remember that month he lived with us, the time he, Ken and our son, Steve, spent on golf trips, the ministry meetings, and the moments our families shared a meal, all at the same time asking, “Why?”

Maybe I should be asking “Why not?”

It grieves me deeply that Kelley and the boys are still here without him. At the same time I wonder if Jay’s greatest ministry will be in his death. My prayer is that people who might have been living on the edge, will, because of Jay’s impact in their life, make the choice to be “all in” for Jesus.

But for tonight, I’ll raise a glass, say a prayer, and thank God for allowing us to have known, loved and been loved by Jay!

Pastor Pam

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