When The Answer Is No

Nov 18, 2021

As a young Christian, I remember hearing people always ask, “Why won’t God answer my prayers?”

Believers wrestle with wondering where God is, why He isn’t answering, why they aren’t getting what they want. The hard truth that we tend to avoid is that God does answer prayers. Oftentimes the answer is no.

Sometimes, dear reader, God says no. Sometimes you pray really hard for someone, friends pray alongside you, and you journal and fast and pray. And you find yourself on your knees on a Monday afternoon as you realize His answer is clear. He isn’t far away, He isn’t ignoring you… His answer is just no.

This is a word of encouragement to you on that afternoon. On the afternoon where you can’t see up from down, where the Earth is shattering, when the answer is no. This is how to respond when the answer is no.

Number 1: Give yourself permission to grieve. Let it out. Play the sad playlist. Scream at God. Hold your loved ones. Cry and cry and cry until your eyes are puffy and your heart is tired.

God is big enough for your anger and tears and doubt.

Holding it in will only make the grieving process longer.

Number 2: Find His love in your lament. Psalm 9:9 tells us,

The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.

I wonder how much deeper your connection with God could be if you let Him into the deep, messy parts of your pain. Let Him love you.

Number 3: Find a way to worship. In 2 Samuel, King David pleads to God to save his baby. He fasts and prays for days. On the seventh day, the child dies. David responds in verse 20:

Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request, they served him food, and he ate.

As crazy as it sounds, worship is our response even on the worst day.

God’s goodness is not reliant on our circumstances, and there is nothing more empowering than proclaiming the goodness of our God over the suffering and sin in the world.

Even on the worst day, He is good. Even when the nightmare becomes reality, He is good. And that’s why He is our God. Because His goodness isn’t conditional. Worship Him on the days when the answer is no.

Number 4: Trust His wisdom. Famous author and speaker, Pastor John Piper, once told a story of his son asking for a cracker from a pack of moldy snacks. The knowing father tells him no, because of the fuzz. His naive son says, “I’ll eat the fuzz.” But knowing better, Piper refused to give it to him - he knew the mold wasn’t good for him! He gave him a different snack that would be much better for him. It wasn’t what his son wanted, but the father knew it was what he needed. This story echoes the wisdom found in Matthew 7:11, when Jesus tells us:

If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!

While this analogy isn’t a simple fix, especially in situations where we’re praying for things that seem undeniably good, this principle can be embraced even when the application is hard.

God sees things we don’t. He might be saying no in the short term because He knows what’s best in the long term.

Number 5: Look towards eternity. Your pain is valid and real. On the days when the answer is no, it makes sense that you’re hurting. But don’t let your pain blind your perspective. Remind yourself of the good news: Revelation 21:4 tells us:

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

There is an eternal future where there will be redemption in every story of hurt and pain. There is hope that is promised to all who believe. This is not the end.

I have given you five points of advice. Passages to encourage. Thoughts to hold onto. But I want to close by saying I’m sorry. I’m sorry that the brokenness of this world has caused so much pain. I’m sorry that our sin makes it so hard to see and understand God’s will. I’m sorry that it hurts.

But there is more in store, friend. There is so much more in store.

Pray with me.

Dear Lord,

We are hurting. We respect your no’s and yes’s. We know you know best. But our hearts are broken; we don’t understand. God, would you give us peace and comfort? Would you make your love more real than ever in the middle of this pain? We worship you, even in this broken place. We proclaim your goodness over our struggle. We praise you for your mercy and kindness. Show us the next step. Give us eternal perspective.