I Believe

“I believe Lord; help my unbelief!"

- Mark 9:14-24 (NASB)

Have you ever found yourself struggling to believe?

Struggling to believe things you have been taught your whole life, things you have said you believe for years only to find yourself in a real struggle to keep believing them? Somebody might call it a crisis of faith. Others might simply call it doubt. Whatever it is, it's hard, can be painful, and can most certainly be frustrating.

Five years ago, my wife, Summer, and I moved our family from the Pacific Northwest to San Diego. We believed with our whole hearts that the Lord had called us to continue working with the mission of Young Life here in San Diego. Upon arrival, we found ourselves in a season of amazing things happening. Ministry was going well and our area was growing. I lovingly refer to this time as BC - Before Covid.

In the book of Mark, chapter 9, we find Jesus, along with Peter, James, and John, at the top of a mountain. This is where Peter, James, and John encounter Jesus in all of His glory! In many ways, I feel like our first two years in San Diego were like this mountain top for the three disciples. We saw the Lord moving, we encountered Him doing amazing things and we got to see Him perform miracles in the lives of kids.

When Jesus comes back down the mountain with Peter, James, and John, they walk right into the "fire." They encountered a father who was hurting, a son who was possessed, and a crowd with questions.

Covid…. Like you, Covid ripped the legs right out from under us.

In our Young Life area, we lost momentum that had taken years to build. We lost the ability to connect with kids in the way we were accustomed to – face to face, on their turf. Throughout Covid we remained resolute and committed to our vision to share Jesus with every kid and help them grow in their faith. We did special deliveries to kids at home and connected with them on their front porches. We did drive-thru clubs and we used technology to stay in touch. We battled, got scrappy and I felt like we were “winning.” We were committed to not letting Covid hold us back.

Once life and the world began to open back up, we had a mass exodus of leaders. Life and circumstances had changed and many felt it was time to move on. Since the fall of 2021, we have struggled to find and keep adult volunteer leaders in our area, leaders that are the lifeblood of the mission. If we don’t have volunteer leaders, we don’t have a ministry. We have prayed to the “Lord of the harvest” to bring Young Life leaders to help us reach more kids and, if I'm honest, our prayers have gone mostly unanswered.

Last August, I found myself feeling defeated, broken, and abandoned by God. At this same time, I was at our regional Young Life staff retreat in Carlsbad, CA. This was a time for our regional staff to gather to be trained, fellowship, and be filled up. I showed up to the retreat tired physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. In addition, our Young Life area finances were lacking and I was having my own struggles to trust that God would continue to provide for our family.

In typical Young Life fashion, we had a special guest join us for the retreat. His name was Tad Lasso. Yes, THE Ted Lasso’s younger brother. Tad joined us to encourage us to have fun, “be a goldfish,” and BELIEVE. Carrying on the theme BELIEVE, one of our regional staff, Bo, shared the same passage from Mark 9, zeroing in on verse 23 where Jesus says,

“If you can? All things are possible for the one who believes.”

And in verse 24, the father exclaims,

“I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

- Mark 9:23-24 (NASB)

Even though the words Bo shared are true and I believe them to be true, I wasn't quite willing to admit that I had some unbelief.

But, at that retreat, something in me started to break. My spirit began to soften and I started to share with others my frustrations, hurts, and feelings of abandonment.

In January, at another regional staff gathering, Bo brought us back to Mark 9. He encouraged us to read the story together focusing on finding ourselves in the story. This time, as I read, it was like a light bulb came on in my mind and heart! I found myself relating to the father in the story. I imagined what it would be like if one of my children were sick like his son. What it would be like to have prayed every day over and over and over again that he would be healed only to find it not happen. I imagined him trying everything to help his son get healed and nothing worked. In the beginning I’m sure the father was positive that his son would get better. Just like I believed the Lord would answer my prayers for leaders, for finances, and for kids to encounter Jesus with the good news of the Gospel.

I found myself saying to the Lord the same thing that the father said to Jesus: “But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”

For the first time in years I heard the words of Jesus in response to the father when he said, “If you can? Everything is possible for one who believes.”

And I found myself exclaiming in my heart and out loud, “I do believe; help my unbelief!”

Just like the father who was tired, beat down, and frustrated, having spent years and years watching his child suffer, having prayed for miracles upon miracles that he hadn't seen happen. The father, full of self-pity and feeling sorry for himself – that was me! I was the father in the story.

I was not seeing the Lord move in the ways that I wanted Him to.

And that was the key for me: the Lord wasn't moving in the ways I wanted Him to. And like the father, we all need to come to the end of ourselves, because that is the place where Jesus shows up. I know without a doubt that the father in the story was done. He had tried it all and he was ready to give up. At that very moment was when Jesus showed up and changed his life, and his son's life, forever.

Isn't it the same in our own lives? When we come to the end of ourselves, when we can't go on, when we can't find the answers, that's where we find Jesus. Life is hard. It's full of mountain peaks and valleys. It's full of good times and bad times. It's full of times where we feel like we couldn't be closer to Jesus and times when He seems so far away.

Since January my eyes and my heart have been opened back up to the goodness and fullness of Jesus.

He is with me even when I can't see Him. He is for me even when it feels like He isn't. He loves me even when I don’t feel it and when I can't accept it or receive it. He wants what's best for me even when it doesn't seem like it. He's got me.

If you find yourself in the same place I found myself last fall, be encouraged that when you admit to Jesus you believe but need help with your unbelief, that's when the walls come tumbling down. And, like me, frustration, doubt, self-pity, and unbelief will begin to melt away. And the light will begin to overtake the darkness within you and allow you to see a way forward.

I’ll end with a poem that my mom hung above our toilet in my childhood bathroom called Footprints In The Sand:

One night I dreamed a dream.

As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.

Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.

For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,

One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me,

I looked back at the footprints in the sand.

I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,

especially at the very lowest and saddest times,

there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.

"Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,

You'd walk with me all the way.

But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,

there was only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you

Never, ever, during your trials and testings.

When you saw only one set of footprints,

It was then that I carried you."

- Original author unclear

May your unbelief lead to belief. May you encounter Jesus today in ways that you never have before because of your willingness to let Him into your unbelief. May you feel Him carrying you in this time and may you know that He's "got you."

Brad Scandrett | Young Life | San Diego

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