Mom And Peg

Sep 21, 2021

"They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabus took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and left..."

- St. Luke, Acts 15:39-40

"The goal of resolving conflict in a relationship is not victory or defeat. It's reaching understanding and letting go of our need to be right."

- Anonymous

Anybody have a sharp disagreement with anyone lately? I think we would all be hard pressed to find a season of life more ripe for contention, dissension, division, hostility and disagreement. George Carlin said that he was driving down a California freeway the other day and said, "Man, everybody behind me was driving like an idiot and everyone in front of me was driving like a jerk." "Suddenly," he said, "I realized I was the only sane person on the planet." Ever feel like that?

It's gotten so that you find yourself tip-toeing through conversations… walking on eggshells so to speak… for fear of saying something that triggers an angry response or ignites a hostile reaction.

Last week, I walked into the waiting room of Quality Chevrolet while my truck was being serviced and CNN was on the big screen. I asked the one other person in the room, who was reading a magazine, "Are you watching that?" And he looked up and barked, "Why?!" "I suppose you wanna watch Fox News?" Wow! Taken aback, I laughed and said, "No… I was just wondering if you were watching that… ‘cause if you're not… The Andy Griffith Show is on… Haha." GeeWhiz… I was actually just making conversation. I did not realize I was making a political statement. Sharp disagreements, it seems, have taken the place of thoughtful discussions. So, the question I've been asking myself lately is this:

How can I freely and honestly engage in thoughtful conversations about the world we're living in with those I know and love without ending up on the verbal side of the road in a "sharp disagreement?"

I personally find it comforting that two of the greatest saints in the Bible, St. Paul and St. Barnabus, both had a major quarrel that sent them off in opposite directions. So, it's not just sinners like me who have sharp disagreements from time to time… saints apparently have them too. In Acts 15:36-40, an argument developed between the two over whether or not the young John Mark should continue with them on their second missionary journey… after he abandoned them on the first mission. Paul believed Mark was unreliable. Barnabus, on the other hand, did not think the issue was so extreme and wanted to give Mark a second chance. It's also important to know that Mark was a second cousin to Barnabus (Colossians 4:10)... possibly giving him a reason to be more forgiving. The issue came to a head… Paul and Barnabus, who had served Jesus together as devoted friends, had a heated disagreement… Paul left with Silas and headed east… Barnabus left with Mark and headed west. It says… "They separated."

In a world where lines are drawn way quicker than bridges are built, I found myself studying a person who, as far as I know, never separated herself from anyone she knew and loved… that's my wife's mom, Cookie. Last year, we had to put Mom in a memory care facility in Davenport, Iowa. Mom is 89 years old. Mom said, "The things I miss the most are the things I can't remember… but since I can't remember them, I don't worry about missing them" (smile). Mom's said goodbye to her husband, to all her brothers and sisters, to her home, to her friends, to her neighbors, to her mobility, to all her stuff… and when I told her last summer how proud I was of her, she just smiled and said, "Growing old is not for wimps." Yesterday, we spoke with Mom by zoom and she introduced us to her new friend, Peg. Peg is Mom's age and is a resident in the facility. Mom said they are as different as night and day… and when Peg spilled a bunch of crumbs from her over-sized chocolate chip cookie on the floor, Mom said, "That Peg is a trouble-maker.” And then, with a twinkle in her eye, Mom said, "That's why I like her!"

And that's the secret isn't it? You gotta fight for the relationship! The relationship has got to be more valuable to you than the differences between you!

Mom always, always, always fought for her family… for the relationships! The people in Mom's life were not the easiest people in the world to get along with - some were alcoholics… several had drug problems… most were highly-opinionated and believed they were right all the time… some were hard-hearted and refused to forgive or forget… some thought they were better than you and knew way more than you… some were angry and deeply hurt… and, let's be honest, even Dad was not always the sweet grandpa he was in his later years. But Mom fought to stay in relationship with them all… and she did! They were all trouble-makers… and that's why she liked them!

I know someone else who felt like that about you and I… His Name is Jesus! He gave His life on a cross and then rose from the grave to bridge the wall of hostility that separated you and I from Him. Jesus fought for His relationship with you and I. He gave everything He had to stay in relationship with me and you… and that's why we love Him today! If you've had a sharp disagreement with someone recently and the lines have been drawn… if you've got a lot of trouble-makers in your life and family… let me give you some tips from Jesus… and Mom… on how to fight for the relationship: